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any verbal account of a person 
16th-Nov-2007 12:24 pm
title. any verbal account of a person
pairing. J2
rating. PG
notes. 1850wc. For belovedsnail. Huge thanks to walkawayslowly. Wherein Gisela attempts to put classical film theory class to practical use. Title from A Dialectic Approach to Film Form.
summary. Jensen is shy and always has been.
music. Sia; Breathe Me (Ulrich Schnauss Remix). [download] (k, i hope this one is new. :))

This story is a collection of made-up facts.

Audition room, Century City, soundstage. Jensen is looking past a camera. He is holding a sheaf of papers and on those papers are phrases like "Dad's on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a while."

His voice is loud and it echoes. The executives on the other side of the table nod slowly before signing the release that sends him to Vancouver.

Two AM, bar in Vancouver's west end. Jensen's knuckles are bleeding and bruises are starting to form. He exhales, his breath hanging in the cold air. Jared shouts something and Jensen turns, goes back. He fights with his back to a wall, and when he's done three guys are being sent to the ER and Jared is leaning on him heavily.

Filming a promo on a soundstage in LA. Jensen looks into the camera. His voice wavers and he says "Catch us Thursdays at 9, 8 o'clock central."

"Cut," the director says. "Next take with Jared too, okay?"

Jensen sighs, nods. He turns around. Jared is standing off to the side with a smile on his face. Behind them, the Impala is gleaming. The director asks them to lean against it, then he cracks a joke. Jared laughs, his head ducking down, and then Jensen laughs too.

On set, between takes on a night shoot. Jensen strums a couple of chords on his guitar. Outside, the sun is already very low on the horizon. He slides a finger up the fretboard, makes the guitar squeal. He twists the knob and the sound goes a little higher, then a little lower.

There's a knock on the door. Jensen turns and Jared is standing there holding the door open.

"Want to come?" Jared asks, and Jensen shakes his head.

"No, don't think so. Maybe next time, okay?"

Jared nods, steps down the door to Jensen's trailer and the door swings closed behind him. Inside, Jensen sets the guitar down, walks over to the trailer's small bedroom and opens the window. He can hear Jared laughing outside. He turns, walks back into the bigger room and picks the guitar up again. He strums a couple of chords, and then drags some paper and a pencil over, writes a few notes.

Filming, next day. Jared is dressed in Sam's clothes and he is sliding around in the makeup chair, throwing gummy bears at Jensen. Jensen smiles, catches as many as he can and throws back the ones that aren't red. Jared starts lobbing jawbreakers over and Jensen catches those too. He throws one at Jared, and misses; it hits the mirror and the jawbreaker shatters. Jared hitches a breath, a gasp, and starts laughing. Jensen smiles and pops one into his mouth.

Later. One of the guest stars is talking to Jared, laughing, and Jensen can see them. He turns, walks to his trailer and closes the door. A few minutes later Jared is on the top step, knocking. Jensen opens the door and Jared asks "Want to come with?"

Jensen shakes his head and says "No, don't think so. Maybe next time, okay?"

Morning, Jensen's apartment. Jensen is lying in his bed and the sheets are down around his ankles. Outside, the day is overcast. He gets up, pulls a sweater on, then pads over the the kitchen. He opens the fridge, pulls out some milk into a glass and then takes a sip - pours the rest down the sink. He opens his fridge again and there is a box of chinese takeout and some apple slices. He closes the fridge again and dials a preprogrammed number in his cell phone. Fifteen minutes later, a delivery person asks him to sign a receipt for one order of mongolian beef, one order of chicken fried rice, and one order of Molson. Jensen takes the food into his living room, where he sets it out on the coffee table in order of course. He gets up, walks to the cabinet and gets one fork, one knife and one glass - he puts the glass back.

Jensen only uses one half of the king-sized bed in his bedroom. The black sheets are labeled 1200-cotton, and even the pillowcases are stamped Egyptian. There is a gas fireplace in the wall at the end of the bed and the stickers on it are still new. There is a fine layer of dust on the mantle and two photos: one of his family, one of Jared and him at the pilot's wrap.

Wrapping, after the seventeenth visit to Kraft Services. When Jared knocks on the door, Jensen calls out, "Come in."

Jared ducks his head as he steps in. He looks around, then finally decides to settle on the couch. Jensen fiddles with the coffeemaker. He pours two mugs, adds milk and sugar to both.

Jared clears his throat, says, "So. How's it going?"

He laughs awkwardly. Jensen smiles and says, "Not bad."

Filming, midday. The set breaks for lunch. Jensen walks towards his trailer but Jared steps in, blocks him. Jensen nods and Jared asks, "Hey, want to come over later? Stay in with some beer and movies?"

Jensen doesn't say anything for a second. Then he grins and says, "Sure thing."

Eleven PM, Jared's apartment. Jensen stands outside the door and he's holding a sixpack and a DVD of the funniest youtube videos he could find. "Hold on," Jared says, "just a second."

He lets Jensen in and Jensen sets the drinks down on the kitchen counter. He can hear on half of Jared's conversation:

"I've got to go - yeah, he's here and I have to go- I'll call back! Fine. I'll talk to you later. Bye."

Jared shrugs and Jensen shrugs back. "I can leave, if you want," Jensen says, but Jared shakes his head.

"No, I want you here," he says. "I invited you, and no way am I going- you know. Yeah. And besides, it's no problem. I want you here."

Jensen nods, and after a minute he smiles.

Wrap party before hiatus, around 2AM. Jensen is on his fifth Labatt Blue. Jared wraps an arm over Jensen's shoulder and says, "Let's get out of here, okay?"

Jensen nods. He walks in almost a straight line to the curb, where there is a taxi waiting. When Jensen wakes up, he is in Jared's rented house. He is fully dressed and on top of the covers. Jared is beside him, snoring. There are dogs panting in his face, leashes in their mouths. Jensen yawns, stretches, and the tips of his fingers touch Jared's arm.

He gets up, rolls his shoulders. There is a bottle of orange juice in the fridge and he drinks from it straight. He walks to the back door and lets the dogs out, watches them running around the yard.

Hiatus, third week. Jensen is visiting his parents' house. The pool in the back warm. When everyone leaves he strips down and jumps in, long strokes cutting across the slight waves of the pool water.

Night after hiatus. Jared kisses him. They are both sober and neither of them are particularly tired. Jensen pulls back after a minute, and realises that his hand is on Jared's thigh, the denim is warm from his skin. Jared half-grins and Jensen kisses him back.

Sandy calls and as she rants into the answering machine, Jensen slides out from under Jared's hands and leaves.

Morning after. Jensen sits on his couch, guitar across his lap. He hears Jared knock on the door and he doesn't answer.

That evening. After Jensen sits on his couch, the television is on and the antenna barely picks up CBC news. He hears Jared knock, then he hears muffled words. He gets up and opens the door. Jared is standing on the bottom stair and he says, "This was a mistake."

Jensen moves to close the door but Jared starts rambling, he says, "Me and Sandy, we're, shit, I'm not gonna say just friends because friends mean a lot and I don't wanna diminish that but me and Sandy, we're really, really, really good friends and I trust her and she was ranting at me because I forgot to pick her up at the airport, and really, who doesn't get pissed off when they're supposed to be picked up and aren't, and anyway, we're really, really good friends and I love her but I'm not in love with her, you know? And she likes having someone on her arm at events, it doesn't look good for girls to show up alone, double standard and all that, and I really love her, but-"

He pauses, takes a breath. "Not mentioning all that before was the mistake, Jensen. Not the, you know, other thing." He looks at his shoes.

Jensen nods. Then he closes the door.

Two days later, after makeup but before principal shooting. Jared stands on the top step in front of Jensen's trailer door. He knocks. Jensen opens the door. Jared doesn't say anything, and Jensen moves to close the door.

"Wait! Shit-" Jared looks at the ground, then catches Jensen's eyes. "I'm going over to do some grocery shopping, thinking about making some chicken, or, I don't know, it's not fancy but maybe you want to come with?"

"Uh," Jensen's brow furrows and Jared cuts in, saying "Or maybe I can just hang out with you?"

"Okay," Jensen steps back and lets Jared in.

Jensen's apartment, midnight. The bedroom is dark. Jensen leaves the light in the kitchen on and slivers make their way past the half-closed door, make shadows on the floor.

Jared is sleeping. Jensen stands at the doorway for a moment, then walks in. He's dressed in drawstring pajama pants and no shirt and his movements appear to be measured and practiced. He slides under the covers, rolls, throws his arm over onto Jared's side of the bed.

The next day. Jared knocks on the door and when Jensen opens it, he sees Jared's smile. He leaves the door open and as Jared follows him inside Jensen says, "You know, you don't have to knock anymore."

He walks over to his television and the image flickers. "Help me out with this?" Jensen motions at the television and Jared plays with the rabbit ears on top, stopping when Jensen tells him too.

Jared waves at the antenna, as if telling it to 'stay.' He joins Jensen on the couch, shoves at him with a shoulder. "So, a bunch of the crew are going out, some bar in the middle of Surrey. Want to come with?"

Jensen is suddenly aware of the rough texture of the couch's fabric under his hands, the clash of colours on the ugly fabric. The television hisses and crackles, showing its age, and the antenna glints, catching the light. The kettle on the burner steams and he can feel humidity gathering in the small space; already taste the sugar on his tongue, the salt of Jared's skin. His hands itch like he wants to touch.

Finally he says, "Yeah, I think I will."

The End

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16th-Nov-2007 06:59 pm (UTC)
Aww, honey, this was gorgeous. Shy Jensen is ... WOW. I want to wrap him up in my arms and SQUEEZE. Or, like I told you a little while back, study him. :D

I love Jensen's POV here - really deep and quiet at the same time.

Jensen is suddenly aware of the rough texture of the couch's fabric under his hands, the clash of colours on the ugly fabric.

Dude, that's a beautiful line. As is what came after it - the thought and sense processes here just ... work, they really do. :)
17th-Nov-2007 11:22 pm (UTC)
I know! What is it about this dude that inspires wrapping-up-and-hot-chocolate kind of feelings? :D

I'm so glad you liked this piece - it was interested for me to try to write, and I'm glad it worked. :D :D :D
16th-Nov-2007 07:45 pm (UTC)
It's still beautiful! I love the style of this fic, it works really, really well.

And oh, Jensen. I love you. :D
17th-Nov-2007 11:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your help! :D

And mmmm, ♥
16th-Nov-2007 08:08 pm (UTC)
I like this. Has a great flow. Jensen all quiet and shy and Jared being out there and honest and both reaching out in their own ways. You played it well:)
17th-Nov-2007 11:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. :D
16th-Nov-2007 08:20 pm (UTC)
*happy sigh* I love the format of this, it's so unique and creates a wonderful mood--quiet, realistic, and meaningful. Thanks for writing.
17th-Nov-2007 11:24 pm (UTC)
I was a little worried about the format, and so thank you for mentioning it.

16th-Nov-2007 09:15 pm (UTC)
This is beautiful. Minimalist, practiced, and very nicely done.
17th-Nov-2007 11:24 pm (UTC)
That's what I was going for, and so - thank you very much. :D
16th-Nov-2007 09:26 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is so very lovely. I love the way you experiment with style and form in you writing. In this piece, I really love the structure, the use of language, how each section builds and shines lights on the themes in the story. Great style and so well done!
17th-Nov-2007 11:24 pm (UTC)
I'm just glad that you like these experiments! :))

Thank you kindly. :D
16th-Nov-2007 09:35 pm (UTC)
REally like this one!!! Thanks for starting my weekend off right.
17th-Nov-2007 11:25 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Meg! :D
16th-Nov-2007 10:01 pm (UTC)
This is gorgeous. Shy!Jensen is my favourite thing in the world, and Jared is patient and careful and wonderful.
17th-Nov-2007 11:27 pm (UTC)
I posted this before I saw your entry re. gentleness, and so the whole time I was read that I was all OMG YES YES. :))

Anyways! I'm very happy you liked this. :))
16th-Nov-2007 11:00 pm (UTC)
The only thing I can think of to compare this with is a good wrangler with an unbroken horse. Which is a daft comparison, granted, but it works for me. *g* I love the gentle-but-unrelenting pace of it.
17th-Nov-2007 11:28 pm (UTC)

Thank you so, so much, and I like the comparison, I will admit. :))
16th-Nov-2007 11:08 pm (UTC)
Human expression as conflict -- or am I imagining things? I love this, seriously, all the quiet involvement and the little tiny meaningful moments that you do so well.

16th-Nov-2007 11:46 pm (UTC)
Eisenstein's "all art is conflict" with a bonus helping of my attempt at tonal montage and emulating silent/black-and-white film by not depicting emotion/overt interiority until the very end. The language in the language of cinema!

It's possible I've watched Battleship Potempkin too many times. :))

16th-Nov-2007 11:37 pm (UTC)
i was going to be smart and wait until later to read this so i had the time to write to you about it as much as i wanted, but i couldn't resist.

so, more in-depth talking is pending, but for now, i will offer some keymashing and some hearts, because ajlskdfjsal;, this is beautiful. it possibly shouldn't suprise me at this point that i feel like you reached directly into my brain while you were writing this, but it does anyway.

also, you realize that you're going to have to like, write me the DVD-commentary-esque thing to explain the classic film theory and things, right? :)) because i love the structure and style of this (settings and times in bold, oh my!) and i'd be so thrilled to know how you wrote it and how the film theory enters in.

a couple trivial things, which are (a) this is a remix of "Breathe Me" i hadn't heard before, and it's lovely (and suits the tone of the fic nicely) and (b) i remember when i first got into the show and they ran a Previously On with that "Dad's on a hunting trip..." line, and i thought oh, that must be from the pilot. he was still working on Dean's voice! n'awwwww. so oh man, i loved this to bits right from the opening lines.

and the doors! and Jared standing at different levels on the stairs depending on how comfortable he is, where he thinks they stand. and the guitar. and this phrase, which sort of made me feel a little faint with its prettiness: Jensen slides out from under Jared's hands and leaves.

anyway! i will be back later, and thank you so, so much, and ♥ ♥ ♥!!
17th-Nov-2007 11:33 pm (UTC)
I am so, so glad you like this, and asdfghjk YAY! ♥

Definitely there will be some commentary on this one, because a) there's lots of things I want to point out and b) it's actually just the right size for me to not get bored and wind up being all "lalalalal this happened!" I'll probably even write this during classical film theory class. :))

I'm so glad that's a version you haven't heard yet! I'm collecting them now, heee, and I'm glad it worked. I remembered you talking about that line, about how it seems Jensen is trying to suss out his Dean voice, and yes, therefore. :))

I'm so glad you noticed the door thing! It's also a classical film theory thing which I will be sure to expand upon at great length. :))

16th-Nov-2007 11:42 pm (UTC)
This was beautiful. Quiet, spare, elegant in its simplicity. I love peaceful stories and shy Jensen just deserves as much TLC as can be offered to him.
17th-Nov-2007 11:34 pm (UTC)
I'm a big fan of peaceful stories too, and so I'm really glad this one fits the bill. And I concur re. TLC!

Thank you kindly. :))
17th-Nov-2007 02:23 am (UTC)
AWWWWW!!! *cuddles the boys* Lovely imagery, hun. Just LOVE it!
17th-Nov-2007 11:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you kindly. :))
17th-Nov-2007 05:44 am (UTC)
Gorgeous :)
17th-Nov-2007 11:29 pm (UTC)
17th-Nov-2007 08:08 am (UTC)
I really like this view of shy!Jensen, in part because I know what it's like to be the person he is here. And that it takes an eternity for Jared to get to the point of asking just to be with him-- not a crowd, not a group of people Jensen doesn't know that well (or maybe there're just too many of them).

The story is full of hesitation, of steps forward and back again, that mirror every bit of the emotion coming from this Jensen POV.
17th-Nov-2007 11:34 pm (UTC)
Oh man, I know what that's like also. :)) And I'm glad you liked it, and oh boy. :)))

Thank you!
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